Full of Joy

they (who is "they" anyways?) say a picture speaks more then a thousand words. i say a gift speaks more then a thousand words as well. but, it is also true that words do speak for themselves. what happeneds when all three are received at the same time? for me, a bursting heart. a heart so touched, and so awed, and so humbled it just wants to hide. i was given such a gift the other night by my church community. a REAL book (not a scrapbook) was made just for me. it has pictures, and a sort-of letter written to me that i get to treasure forever now. i was quite caught off guard, and was speechless as i was presented such a jewel. i sqeaked out an awkward "thank you..." and wished for some deep, profound words that i could grace the people with. instead i sat there starring at my very own book, running my fingers softly over the glazed cover. awestruck. the book contained priceless memories from one of the most special nights i was blessed to be a part of. wha...

hey all! my first post for consumed is published right now! you can read it at: www.consumedministries.com scroll down a bit, and you can click on "click here for our main blog!" then you will find my post...it's called "blood"...no worries! it has nothing to do with halloween. ICK.

it's about 6:20 am. it's dark. it's chilli. i am bustling my way down several flights of outdoor stairs to get to the door of the MOA that i am allowed to enter with my badge. with my sweatshirt pulled tightly around me i walk as briskly as possible to make it to my store a few minutes before scheduled. i rush past the guard (who actually was MIA this morning!) and down the long corridor to get to the escalator. my mind is in a fog, my typical morning state. but, something manages to catch my eye this morning. i slowly lift my head...and what do i see but thousands of twinkling, sparkling, tiny, bright white christmas lights! hundreds of strands hung from the highest point in the ceiling- three stories up. my heart danced inside me. it was warmed to the very depths. i jogged up the escalator to get to my floor, and stood on the balcony gazing all around me- surrounded by the beautiful, cheery, warm, sparkly, twinkly lights. i looked as high as the lights went, and then lean...

it's true. it is now 12:30am, and i can't sleep. again. i haven't even tried to get into bed yet- i just know. i know the feeling of when i won't be able to sleep. i do NOT want to crawl in my covers- toss and turn, roll around, mess up the nice, tight sheets, and get all tangled. so, here i sit. i have read everyone's blog on my list- and even connected to other's blogs on other's lists. still. no sleep has come. i know the drill. in a little bit, i'll probably take my trusty tylenol pm. (thanks kristi! and don't worry people- jeff doesn't read my blogs!) the funny thing is, tonight i kinda know why i can't sleep. do you ever just NOT want to be left alone with your thoughts? with things that are going on? the silence just drives me CRAZY. i have been walking around, and at any minute if there's a chance for silence, i shove my ipod in my ears. i can't take it. i don't want to think. i don't want to know. ...

i have been inspired twice lately to blog. the thing is, i have also committed to writing a blog for consumed once a month. this makes me feel like anytime i am inspired (not counting the quirky, weird kind of blogs) i need to submit it to consumed. thus, my own personal blog is lacking. i was instructed that i am not allowed to "double-blog". i will inform you, my faithful readers, when my blogs are posted by consumed- so you can read them over there. stayed tuned: maybe some weird, quirky thing will happen to me today that i will be allowed to write about.... :)

i've been rediscovering my inner night owl. for the past two years, i have made a valiant effort to turn myself into a morning person. i've gotten up at 5am for many, many months now. i prefer opening at my store because i love getting work out of the way for the day. i do not hate my job, but i hate going to work. (this would mean ANY job that i have to do. don't mistake that to mean i don't like hard work. i was raised to value hard work, and to be hard working. it's just of my beliefs that a career is not the kind of hard work i want to be doing...) anyways.... most recently i have been scheduled to close my store for the whole weekend. half my week is spent getting up at 5am, and half my week is spent staying up til 5am. (not really that late, but you get the picture.) when i close, i get home around 11:15pm or so. i am wired at that point. i just spent the entire afternoon, and night at work: cleaning, dealing with customers, teaching other partne...

My heart? What is my heart saying right now? My heart wants to express my deepest gratitude to all of you who prayed for the AG Silver/Cornerstone Benefit Concert last night. All day long, I received precious texts, voicemails, emails, cards, facebook posts, and encouraging notes everywhere I turned. Thank you. God was HUGE yesterday. HUGE. He and I had some powerful moments, and I’m thankful we actually had quite a bit of time to ourselves. I know a lot of you were praying about my car situation. It’s a crazy story- but LONG story short, I asked for prayer for it to be fixed by 4pm central time. Right after sending out that email, I got down on my knees, asked God for my car back and left it in His hands. I got my car back at 2:45 pm AND got a nice, unexpected mile run in! Later that day, I ended up driving a friend around who really needed to get some things taken care of, so God had more in mind for getting it fixed then even I could know! Thank you for praying…thank you...

whew! i can't believe i just said, "whew!" i have reached a new level of nervousness/excitement about the upcoming concert. it is only a mere 3 nights away. (i like to think in terms of how many nights of sleep i have until the said occasion) tonight at church we had a long discussion about roles that need to be taken care of for this event. as details were discussed, i was sitting there getting nervous. my stomach suddenly had a big, tight knot in it. i looked over at swz and said, "oh my word. i'm getting sick all of the sudden..." she looked me straight in the eye and said, "look at all these people taking care of stuff! you're not doing this alone...it's gonna be awesome!" boom. that's my friend and roommate in a nutshell. ever supportive, ever strong, ever encouraging. (don't ever let her fool you otherwise!) then we all split up into groups and prayed for this special, SPECIAL night that is about to come forth. powerful night....

sometimes i sit at my computer and really have the desire to write a blog- but nothing happens. i type up a couple different paragraphs, then erase them all. tonight- all the things on my mind are more secret things, i guess. i don't often think about my blog audience, i just write what's there. but at certain times- i have to filter. normally this would be the type of paragraph that i would delete. not tonight. this is getting published. i'm not that tired. i could probably fall asleep, but for secret reasons, it will be an unrestful night. i think i'll watch the last episode of season 3. i've been saving it for a special occasion.

i never slept last night. not for one measley second. it was pure misery. after several hours of tossing and turning and putting on the covers and throwing off the covers, i started to freak out. horrors. i finished a book. i visited the bathroom a couple times. i tied a bandana around my eyes to keep out any form of light. i prayed. i quoted scripture. i renounced the enemy, who i was convinced was attacking me. finally, at about 3:30 am, i began to sob and sob and sob. i miss my family so much it just hurts. homesickness is a heart-wrenching disease. after about 45 minutes of tears, i felt a little more calm. thought maybe i'd get an hour of sleep. nope. turns out, i got up and got ready really slowly. i even put curlers in my hair to take up more time. i don't know WHY i couldn't sleep. i thought about a lot of things during those six hours of a restless night. i wasn't particularly worried, just have a lot on my mind, i guess. nothing to lose an EN...

I am sitting here in my living room, drinking my third cup of Pike’s Place Blend, (for those of you who don’t know- you can only buy PP in Seattle, at the very first Starbucks! A good friend got it for me on her last visit there.) keeping cozy on this dreary day. There have been loads of things going on in my life, but I am narrowing it down to only one to share with you today! God created this dream in my heart several months ago- one that, at the beginning, I really didn’t think would ever pan out. But what an amazing, creative, powerful, and glorious God I know! He has brought this dream to an actual reality and it is about to take place a week from tomorrow. You see, I have a friend who plays in a band (the drummer- for those of you know my freak passion for the drums!). AG Silver was looking for venues as they were starting their tour. Friends and I saw them in concert several months ago, loved them, and so I thought it would be amazing to have them co...

i survived my first close in like a year. i'm already thinking of things i forgot. overall i think it went well. i'll find out when i arrive back there in the morning. the best part was, the night went by really fast! it's a scary thing this closing business. i was literally sick to my stomach and shaky b'c i had not closed in so long. it was quite weird. i've been there for almost 4 years and used to constantly close. i have concluded it was change that got me uptight. change is never easy for me. but i am embracing change in so many ways in my life. people may not be able to see, but there's a part of me that's a whole new me. i missed my regular customers tonight. my morning friends were long gone by the time i got in. sad. i'm real tired, but wired. night.

i don't know if i'm completely out of my rut, but i am certainly getting there. i really do not know what my "deal" is. i spent the day trying not to waste it by being down. i woke up early (5:38 am, what can i say- it's such a routine now!) and never had a restful sleep, so i got up sometime after 9 am. i tried reading my Bible, praying, journaling, etc. but ended up just feeling BLAH and i fell asleep again. i felt weird all day- like i couldn't shake this sadness in me, and it made me very sleepy and wanting to sleep. i won't give you every detail of my day, but it was sunny and warm and beautiful- and i so desperately wanted to feel like that inside. i sensed God leading me to go to this prayer night, so i went. i thought i was going to know one other person, so i was a bit nervous showing up. when i got there- my very own friend and her girls were standing at the door! i was so surprised. then, i found out more of my friends were there, too...