Full of Joy

March 27, 2006. A young, 24 year old woman sat in excited anticipation at a small, light-colored table in her sunny kitchen. She looked around the apartment she rented with a friend. It was the first home she could call her own. Independence. Adulthood. It suited her. Though a deeply broken heart haunted her, she was ready for a new beginning. A fresh start. Blogging seemed to be the ideal way to chronical this new freedom, so she sat at her very own table, and began to write…. *** Happy TEN YEAR Blog Anniversary! 17 drafts still hiding. 622 posts. 1,641 comments. 72,520 views. Technically the ten year mark was Easter Sunday, but it felt a little too sacrilegious to commemorate a mere blog on the day of our RISEN SAVIOR! I have to say, my generous and creative guy did help me celebrate that day. He surprised me with the delicious book , Bird By Bird written by Anne Lamott. He truly couldn’t have delighted me more! It’s been a beautiful ten years with you all! When...

(L) My friend, Dan (R) Jamie Allow me to introduce you to my dear friend, spiritual mentor, and former Pastor, Jamie Miller! If you read the post, "Sweet Things" a few weeks ago by Gretchen Miller I suspect by now you're connecting the dots they are husband and wife! They are so dear to me. God used them to help shape my heart understanding of who Christ is, and how He loves me. They serve college students (and any person they meet at any age!) through Consumed Ministries . Jamie is also the author of the great book, "Fully Alive".   I'm honored to share Jamie's words with you today. *** I currently have one tattoo on the inside of my left arm. If I ever decide to give that tattoo some company I already know what I would have permanently inked into my skin. Most followers of Jesus I know that have a faith-based tattoo have some form of the cross as either the entire art form or part of it. I obviously appreciate the cross and will celebrate the v...

Everything in me wants to curl up on the couch with my favorite quilt (we actually  named it "the favorite quilt!") and CRASH . I'm just so tired. Physically I did not get the sleep I needed last night, but mentally and emotionally I am so weary. The constant message I've been receiving lately is that I'm not good enough. Whether it be youth ministry, parenting, being a wife, or planning events- I am feeling like all signs point to QUIT . Even my attempt at creating fun moments in our family has flopped. I tried to make brownies last week, but took them out of the oven too soon so they were under baked, and really gross. That same night I had planned to watch American Idol with Chuck and just relax together, only to find out the show had been moved to Thursdays only. Another time recently I sacrificed precious grocery money to order in, and the food make me sick. What on earth?! All that to say, I'd rather just curl up on the couch and grab some moments ...

This is an unexpected post, to say the least. Last week I had promised a post on finding joy in mothering during those trying times, and I will follow through. But today, there is a pressing situation happening in my life I must write about. It is currently Saturday, March 5, but this will be published on Tuesday, March 8. A few days ago, I had my regular one year exam with my gynecologist. Normally I'm not too concerned over these appointments. I've always been the kind to take charge of my health. I like to know what's happening with my body, and why. I like to get professional evaluations. I like the peace of mind. I need it.  I had actually seen this same doctor over 2 months ago for pain I was having in my chest. At the time, based on my exam and the type of symptoms I was having she credited the pain to a muscular issue. I had been scared to death I had breast cancer. She tried to reassure me that was not her concern, but I still felt uneasy.  For th...

The Truth About Mothering...well, let's see. Our strong man!   Last week in the Daily Dubbe I gave a snapshot update on each member of our family. Towards the end of the post I realized I hadn’t really shared much about me. It’s much easier to focus on everyone else in our little family then to actually have to break down my own self.   So here it is, the truth about mothering- my mothering to be exact. I’m completely, 100% exhausted. I’ve worked hard jobs before, and I’ve been tired on a regular basis in the past, but this type of exhaustion is unique. Even when I worked at Starbucks, the hours I worked ranged from getting up at 4am, to leaving work at 1am. Back then I was able to carry two gallons of milk in each hand and walk a good distance. Back then caffeine was on my side, but caffeine doesn’t cut it anymore. I could drink a cup of coffee and fall flat on my face on the couch if given a nap opportunity now. It’s TOUGH being a mother. Tougher than tough. Har...