Full of Joy

Chuck reminded me last night that today is my 5 year blog anniversary.  It's rather humbling to have a 5 year blog anniversary of a blog entitled "Full of Joy" on a day when I feel not-so-full-of-joy.  I want to be.  I want to have a joyful heart.  I want to choose joy in the midst of sorry because I know my hope is in Jesus.  My Savior.  Now is the time when I'm supposed to be joyous in the midst of sorrow, right?  And like I said, I want that.  I want to be that girl. My soul seems to be at war with my brain.  The big brain vs. soul brawl of 2011.  My soul says to weep, mourn, wail, and let it rain.  My head says to get back on the horse (OK, dumb illustration because the only time I attempted to ride a horse at the tender age of 10, the stupid said horse tried to bite me.  I've never been back on a horse since.  I sat in a mini-van with the mom of the birthday girl for the entire party.).  Or at least to jump bac...

Grief is a tricky beast.  I'm not sure I even want to try to describe it, but I'm sitting here typing so there must be something inside this writer's soul that needs to work it's way out.  Is describing grief like mixing oil and water?  Because oil and water can not be mixed. A few weeks ago, my personal D-day actually, I was at a Pot Luck.  Chuck and I had been pretty excited about it.  I was in the kitchen of a friend's house mixing up the dressing for the Oriental Salad I was going to serve.  Since we don't own a salad dressing shaker (what the heck would that be called anyway?), I always use our Margarita  shaker to mix dressing.  It called for EVOO (Mom, that means Extra Virgin Olive Oil).  When I went to wash the shaker out, the oil would not- could not- be moved.  I scrubbed and scrubbed and used really hot water.  But, no.  The oil stayed put.  I stuffed it in our bag and went on with the Pot Luck as us...

The sickie ickies have taken over my body.  Chuck and I went on a 4 day, very loooooooooong and exhausting teen retreat over a week ago, and I haven't been the same since.  The cool news is, I went skiing for the very first time! A few of the girls and I took a lesson together and really had an awesome experience.  For those of you familiar with good 'ol NEPA, we went to Elk Mountain.  Elk is particularly special in my heart because that's where I'd go with family and friends for years, but only during the Fall.  We'd go to a Fall festival there and then ride the ski lift to the top to take in the gorgeous view.   Since NEPA is where I grew up, it was very weird having my worlds collide.  Especially when we took 4 buses of teens to Clarks Summit to eat dinner.  My parents joined in with us at Taco Bell and it was absolutely surreal.  I told as many teens as I could, "This is my home town!  This is where I grew up!"  Truly...

Chuck is the best at making me feel super special on my birthday.  He wraps gifts so beautifully!  Almost makes me not want to open them.  Almost.  This picture was taken the morning of my birthday, right before we left for church.  I loved that he picked out this wrapping paper with the coordinating gift bag.  The pattern was just adorable.  Plus, it matched the coat he got me for Christmas.  =) Having a birthday on a Sunday is interesting, especially when Sundays are usually pretty busy days for us.  On this day, Chuck made me breakfast and then took me to Starbucks before we went to AM Gap (our teen group).  What could be better than starting the day with a Starbucks Green Tea Soy Latte?!  Later in the morning, as I sat with some girls at a table in our youth room Chuck gave the announcements.  When he was done he asked the teens to guess who the person on the next slide was: One of the teens yelled out, "Your wife!" ...

When we (Dan, Mom, Renate, Chuck and I) pulled into the Dubbe's driveway, I all of the sudden felt this nervous excitement.  I told everybody as I climbed out of the back seat, "Geez, I don't know why I'M nervous!"  When we walked in the front door, there began the trail of pink rose petals.  That pretty much confirmed my suspicions, but you never know.  I stopped by the little girls room (AFTER I took my shoes off, of course ;) as soon as we got back though so I missed the big announcement! When I went into the dining room, Anni (Tim's girlfriend) and Tim were out on the porch so I followed them to see what they were looking at.  When I glanced over the railing, there was a huge German sentence dug out into the snow, all lit up with candles.  I was so excited and frustrated all at once.  Practically jumping up and down I said, "WHAT DOES IT SAY?!"  Timmy beamed at me and translated, "It says 'Will you be my wife?' "  (Commence sc...

Can anyone guess what the mystery night turned out to be?! P.S.  Your guess doesn't count if you already know the mystery! =)