The Truth About Mothering

The Truth About Mothering...well, let's see.

Our strong man!

 Last week in the Daily Dubbe I gave a snapshot update on each member of our family. Towards the end of the post I realized I hadn’t really shared much about me. It’s much easier to focus on everyone else in our little family then to actually have to break down my own self.
 
So here it is, the truth about mothering- my mothering to be exact. I’m completely, 100% exhausted. I’ve worked hard jobs before, and I’ve been tired on a regular basis in the past, but this type of exhaustion is unique. Even when I worked at Starbucks, the hours I worked ranged from getting up at 4am, to leaving work at 1am. Back then I was able to carry two gallons of milk in each hand and walk a good distance. Back then caffeine was on my side, but caffeine doesn’t cut it anymore. I could drink a cup of coffee and fall flat on my face on the couch if given a nap opportunity now.

It’s TOUGH being a mother. Tougher than tough. Harder than hard. Each phase of mothering has its own challenges, but being a mother to a toddler and a baby at the same time is uniquely difficult (as so many of you out there can attest!). Actually, I am now heading into mothering two toddlers, which is another unique difficulty.

Here’s just one thing that makes mothering so so so so hard. The fussing. The constant fussing. They want up so they cling to my legs or push me with all their might until I trip over their little selves. They pull at my shirt or pants until I am able to scoop them up, only to hear the fussing continue because they want back down. Meanwhile the sibling is fussing and wining about his or her own issue.

The other day both kids woke up from their naps at precisely the same moment. They were both wailing, they both wanted me to hold them, but neither of them wanted me holding the other one. So the wailing continued. I hoisted both (wailing) children down the stairs (that’s 60 pounds, thank you very much) and made it to the couch only to have them wail even louder because heaven forbid Mama sit down while holding them. They both fussed for the next two hours until Chuck finally arrived home. Two hours of fussing. Toddlers 2, Mama 0.

Fellow Mama’s, can I get an AMEN? It’s HARD. My back aches. My thighs are actually shaking today from carrying both kids and diaper bags and groceries up and down the stairs. Last night my leg hurt so bad I had to take Ibuprofen. My chest has a pulled muscle that isn’t healing because I’m constantly picking up and putting down 60 pounds of adorable! And my neck! The list could go on, but I digress.

I don’t know about you, but I want to scream every time someone says, “The days are long, but the years are short!” or “The years are going to fly by, you’ll see!” or “You’ll look back on this time and wish you could be there again!” I may miss certain aspects of my children being babies, and the certain delights that only come from this phase, but I probably won't wish to return. That’s not who I am. I’ve never looked back on a phase of life and wished I could return.

I couldn't tell who the guilty party was. But the little truck in the corner certainly enjoyed driving through it. Didn't like this dressing anyway. ;)

What I am striving for is to live in joy TODAY. And each day. And each new phase. Joy in Jesus. Joy is a tough bugger, one that I will tackle next week, but for this day- I just want you Mama’s to rest assured, you’re not alone. I am here looking a toddler in the face while I tell them, “Do not cross that line” only to watch them slide their little foot straight across that line with no intent of obeying. I am here holding a child who wails every time Papa leaves for work, or even just leaves the room, and can’t squirm out of my arms fast enough to run after him, leaving me in their dust. I am here attempting to keep my babies from jumping out the windows, climbing on the kitchen table, scaling the bathroom linen closet, opening the 350 degree oven, flipping their bolted-to-the-wall beds up-side-down, and oh! Have I mentioned from having to call Poison Control again? Ladies you are not alone!

The thing is, even this sounds relatively manageable, until you weigh in the mental and emotional factor. That type of fatigue is impossible to assess. Each woman handles her life-factors differently. One woman  may have five toddlers at home, and be perfectly at peace, while another may "only" have an infant and be on the verge of losing her mind. Each mother has her own combo platter of issues (mine comes with extra brownies, please) that make her mothering uniquely hard for her.

If you’re like me, I can’t function in a healthy way if there are dishes stacked up on the counter, if there are toys scattered all over the living room, if the beds are trashed, if there’s trash over-flowing onto the floor, or if the kids are still wearing their PJ’s at noon. Being orderly helps keep me sane. Another Mama may not even notice last night’s dishes are still in the sink because she is surviving by getting out of the house, and taking the kids to the library. (I’ve done that once. And I’m done, thank you.)

The best encouragement I’ve received recently is from my dear friend, Lisa. She left me a message out of the blue and said, “You are the best mother for the kids God has given you!” And this I say to you ladies out there, YOUR ARE THE BEST MOTHER FOR THE KIDS GOD HAS GIVEN YOU. Don’t be deceived for a second by any other lies. YOU are the best Mother for that toddler pushing their sister and stealing her toy. It’s YOU.

All Mama’s are so different! And Jesus has made us all absolutely perfect for our own babes.

One way for a toddler to tire themselves out is to remove the entirety of the stuffing from their huge stuffed puppy...Puppy is now quite skinny. ;)

Next week we'll tackle the joy-bugger. In the meantime, any thoughts out there on the topic of finding joy in mothering during those oh-so-TOUGH moments? Would be thrilled to hear your thoughts, and your experiences of choosing joy!